I still remember it vividly. On that day a special friendship had finally ran its course and came to a sudden end, but as I look back, I realized that we didn’t really have anything. At first, I was extremely saddened by the fact that this person was such a huge part of my life and now she’s just gone. I didn’t know how to feel until I realized that I was actually doing something for myself.

I was slowly deleting the toxic people in my life.

Misunderstandings. They happen all the time, and that’s part of a friendship. We’ve had several, and I thought that it was proven to last, until this last one definitely crossed the line of what we really were. I couldn’t figure out where all the hate was coming from or why she was suddenly cursing my name on twitter. The boldness of her choice of words made me sick to my stomach because I couldn’t believe that she was bashing me through social media.

I was labeled as a “fake friend”, to a “f****** liar”, to finally an “ex-friend” within two days. Through it all, I didn’t say a single negative thing back at her since I decided to be the bigger person. I actually thought she was better than that, especially when she could’ve settled this through texting me instead or talking to me personally. I thought that I should give her some time to cool off because maybe it was just an impulsive move, but the hatred didn’t stop there. She started telling all of her friends and even her family about what I “did” to her and how I was such a “bad friend”, which I can assure that all of those are false. It was then that I knew that the situation wasn’t temporary, an anger that she’s been keeping for a long period of time until she finally exploded.

I believe that I’ve never been a “bad friend” to anybody, and that was the first time I was called as one. Like a poisoned arrow her words cut deep, shattering my heart into a million pieces. I never expected all of the negativity to come from someone I used to care so much about. Someone I treated like my little sister. The last person whom I thought would start talking crap about me.

I was wrong.

There wasn’t a day that she didn’t make her presence known to me, for all she wanted was to ruin it. Judgmental eyes always followed me every time we attended the same events. I know that I shouldn’t have let it all get to my head, but they did. I am a very fragile person, and I am not used to people staring at me nor hearing my name beneath their breath. I was never involved in so much drama until I couldn’t handle it anymore. There were nights when I just wanted to lash out in my room because I didn’t deserve all their negative thoughts about me. I didn’t deserve to be judged by people who didn’t really know me nor did I know them.

During those bitter days and nights, I wanted to prove them wrong so bad, but I am a person that sticks to my values whenever challenges arise. I decided to hold my ground. Every single day, I reminded myself to be nice to people even though they were treating me wrong. I could go on and on trying to explain what happened, but I figured that it wouldn’t really make a difference. This was something that needed to be settled between her and me. Unlike her, I didn’t ask for attention nor did I want it. I never stooped down to her level.

When you care about people, hurt is also part of the package. But also, that doesn’t mean that they deserve to suffer the pain. People view me as someone who cannot stand up for herself because maybe I just got used to being walked all over. I seem so vulnerable in everyone’s eyes.

This friendship was one of several that have ended in the past few years. I’ve drifted away from several people. I didn’t intentionally do it, but I was unaware that it was happening. I have lost a few friends, yet also gained some, better ones too. I just try to not get attached too quickly or too much to some people, because I realized that in the end, it will cause a lot of pain. The pain that I learned to accept and turn into something good, something that’s right. It’s okay to feel wounded, but at the same time, no one can heal your wounds and wipe your tears except yourself.

As for forgiveness, it is such a basic word, but it seems so difficult to do when you’ve been hurt. If she really wanted to make amends with me, then she wouldn’t have wasted the chances thrown at her. I still wish her the best in life though, and I hope she finds the right friends for her. My doors are still slightly open for forgiveness, but I believe that it wouldn’t come any time soon. I’ll do it to free my heart from hatred, but once a person screws you over, things will never be the same between you and that person. What’s broken can be fixed, but the scars will remain.

“Don’t feel sad over someone who gave up on you, feel sorry for them because they gave up on someone who would have never given up on them,” this quote serves as my reminder that not everyone is meant to stay. People will come and go, and each one of them serves a purpose. Some will stay and make you feel good to be alive, but most of them will only be there for the highlights and will eventually leave you in times of defeat.

There comes a point in life where you just stop trying to look out for everyone. And maybe, not everyone’s meant to be saved. I’ve been trying to save everyone that I didn’t realize that I’ve also been drowning in my own troubles. It’s time that I try being happy.